Entry #2:Diatribe of a T-bag.
The original topic of this post was going to be how to treat women in a game of Reach i.e. do you let them win? and such, but before I got to writing it, a young man approached me and asked:"Foup, Im interested in how to treat ladies in the game, but what I'm really interested in is T-bagging". I replied in a sarcastic manner:"well thats all anyones interested in right", and then it hit me. T-bagging is all that anyone is interested in in Halo Reach and Reachationships. Sure, many women will try and sugarcoat it, saying that its about the art of conversation, or armor chemistry, but let me tell you something ladies, the only chemistry thats important is the chemistry of:
left stick down+crouch in a face=T-BAG.
Part 2: the art of the T-bag
The equation I have posted above will bring you a successful T-Bag, but do you want to be some run of the mill bagger, or do you want to be the type of bagger spartan ladies remember, the one they ask to kill them in the game just so they can be T-Bagged one more time. If I'm correct, everyone wants to be the bagger I just stated, and therefore, everyone wants to be the type of bagger I already am. So I will share my wisdom in the format of all the different ways you can bring about a successful T-Bagging experience.
#1: The Taunt
This specific T-Bagging move doesn't even have to be about getting the spartan of your dreams, but it could be about impressing her. This move is typically used to degrade an opponent of yours. I don't recommend overusing it, as it becomes useless, but I do recommend using it when someone has really made you mad. Say I'm playing with doc, and doc starts using an aimbot and is yelling into his microphone"ha ha, foup doesn't cheat in halo he' stinks worse than a chicken taco from churches". I build up my anger and kill him valiantly, but there is something missing, there is nothing to top off my glorious drink of success. The taunting t-bag is the perfect solution. It will bring me glory, as I rub my spartan unmentionables in docs helmet and tell him that he stinks worse than a Dobs Toilet Bombing Heart Molester. (look at bottom of the page). To do it, simply go above the opponents face and and press and release your left analog stick, only holding down for 1 to 2 seconds at the most. Remember, it's not about technique, it's about emotion.This move, if done correctly, will not only bring you glory, but lady spartans as well.
#2 Slow and Sweet
Use this for a spartan lady you truly care about. If you are her Romeo, and she is your Juliet...then you will T-Bag her in the face slowly and sweetly. The key to this is to press down on the left analog stick and hold for a full 5 seconds before releasing, then go back down after seconds. If done correctly, you'll have her thinking"he's so sensitive and attentive to my spartan lady needs."
#3Ruthless
If your choosing this one, you care about one thing; getting your T-Bag done speedily and ruthlessly, while leaving the lady completely satisfied. The easiest way to do so is to continuously press and release the left analog stick, never decreasing speed and never letting up. Done succesfully, this will leave you a spartan lady dynamo, and that's quite a reputation. You'll be a Barrack Obama to women, and they'll never get enough of your "politics".
Thats what I have to say about T-bagging, and I believe that the best way to end this blog is with a movie quote:
The original topic of this post was going to be how to treat women in a game of Reach i.e. do you let them win? and such, but before I got to writing it, a young man approached me and asked:"Foup, Im interested in how to treat ladies in the game, but what I'm really interested in is T-bagging". I replied in a sarcastic manner:"well thats all anyones interested in right", and then it hit me. T-bagging is all that anyone is interested in in Halo Reach and Reachationships. Sure, many women will try and sugarcoat it, saying that its about the art of conversation, or armor chemistry, but let me tell you something ladies, the only chemistry thats important is the chemistry of:
left stick down+crouch in a face=T-BAG.
Part 2: the art of the T-bag
The equation I have posted above will bring you a successful T-Bag, but do you want to be some run of the mill bagger, or do you want to be the type of bagger spartan ladies remember, the one they ask to kill them in the game just so they can be T-Bagged one more time. If I'm correct, everyone wants to be the bagger I just stated, and therefore, everyone wants to be the type of bagger I already am. So I will share my wisdom in the format of all the different ways you can bring about a successful T-Bagging experience.
#1: The Taunt
This specific T-Bagging move doesn't even have to be about getting the spartan of your dreams, but it could be about impressing her. This move is typically used to degrade an opponent of yours. I don't recommend overusing it, as it becomes useless, but I do recommend using it when someone has really made you mad. Say I'm playing with doc, and doc starts using an aimbot and is yelling into his microphone"ha ha, foup doesn't cheat in halo he' stinks worse than a chicken taco from churches". I build up my anger and kill him valiantly, but there is something missing, there is nothing to top off my glorious drink of success. The taunting t-bag is the perfect solution. It will bring me glory, as I rub my spartan unmentionables in docs helmet and tell him that he stinks worse than a Dobs Toilet Bombing Heart Molester. (look at bottom of the page). To do it, simply go above the opponents face and and press and release your left analog stick, only holding down for 1 to 2 seconds at the most. Remember, it's not about technique, it's about emotion.This move, if done correctly, will not only bring you glory, but lady spartans as well.
#2 Slow and Sweet
Use this for a spartan lady you truly care about. If you are her Romeo, and she is your Juliet...then you will T-Bag her in the face slowly and sweetly. The key to this is to press down on the left analog stick and hold for a full 5 seconds before releasing, then go back down after seconds. If done correctly, you'll have her thinking"he's so sensitive and attentive to my spartan lady needs."
#3Ruthless
If your choosing this one, you care about one thing; getting your T-Bag done speedily and ruthlessly, while leaving the lady completely satisfied. The easiest way to do so is to continuously press and release the left analog stick, never decreasing speed and never letting up. Done succesfully, this will leave you a spartan lady dynamo, and that's quite a reputation. You'll be a Barrack Obama to women, and they'll never get enough of your "politics".
Thats what I have to say about T-bagging, and I believe that the best way to end this blog is with a movie quote:
that about does her, wraps her all
up. it was a purt good story, dontcha
think? Made me laugh to beat the
band. Parts, anyway....I guess
that's the way the whole durned human
comedy keeps perpetuatin' it-self,
down through the generations, westward
the wagons, across the sands a time
until-- aw, look at me, I'm ramblin'
again. Wal, uh hope you folks enjoyed
yourselves. Catch ya further on down the trail.
Note: I edited this quote for the betterment of the blog, but comment what movie
this is from, and you get extra credit.
i agree
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